well, its 1:30am, i cant sleep cause im too upset at the moment, or depressed whatever. my beautiful rat Pepper had to be put to sleep on Tuesday, she was an old rattie and started to deteriorate very fast in the last 2 weeks of her life. she got very weak, she couldnt clean herself or feed herself she had no strength in her limbs and couldnt grab food or hold onto anything much. so she wasnt doing well at all and it just got worse by the day.

never an easy decision to make. im pretty torn up about it, im having quite a lot of difficulty dealing with it too, compared to the many other loved pets ive had, its just very different this time and im not sure why, i dont seem to be able to handle it at all, im just a complete mess at the moment. i cried a lot the day it happened then i kind of blocked up and just couldnt cry for a while, then id cry at night. and im pretty anti social normally but now i just dont want to see anyone or be around anyone at all, unless i have to like at work or whatever.

just now i was putting clean sheets on my bed and my own shadow scared me and i just stopped and pretty much collapsed on the floor in tears. i guess it could be because i had to give her away when i started my new job but i think its more she was with me through pretty damn hard times and she was my girl. my baby girl. i miss her so much. i got her not long after moving away from home and to another state. she was always with me whenever i was home she was attached to me some how. sleeping next to me while i was sitting on my comp or running around the lounge room while i watched tv, jumping up to visit every now and then and stealing my food of course, sitting on my shoulder while i cooked food and did dishes, and sat on my shoulder while i got ready for work in the mornings, she was just always with me, i guess im one of those people who would be physically attached to their pet if i was any closer to her. i just feel so empty without her. it makes me really fucking lonely. sigh, crying writing this, though i guess thats expected.

i know it was the right thing to do for her, and i hope shes happy where ever she is now and i miss her terribly and it hurts

rest in peace my gorgeous girl. i love you.

Well, yes i have nothing to do. thus the journal writing begins, actually it wasnt that long ago that i wrote one, dec 11 according to this.

anyways.

well im working at a new research facility in Melbourne city area, it sucks having to get up early and catch the train for almost an hr there and back every day, the trains are so ridiculously packed now, i also used to catch a tram from the station to my work but im tired of being crammed in there like a pack of sardines so i now walk 20 mins to my work instead which i much prefer, getting pretty tired too, by time im home and showered and have had dinner its probably 7, then i go to sleep at 9 (or i try to aim for 9.15 at least) so about 2 hrs of doing what i want which usually includes just sitting around cause im too tired to do anything else. my old work has opened the new building so if they offer me a full time contract there i'll take it, otherwise i'll stay where i am as im full time hrs on casual pay.

what sucks most about this new job is im not allowed any rodent pets, so i had to give my rats away and my mouse too. my rat doom went to a friend when she moved out who also owns super rat which doom lives with so that wasnt too bad. but pep was alone and i pretty much had her around with me all the time when i was home so it still hurts not to have her around. and my little cashew too shes gone blind in one eye but other than that shes doing well it seems. i miss them. sucks being an animal tech sometimes.

i went a bit nuts this weekend with cleaning around the house, scrubbed the bathroom floor, vacuumed my room and sorted through my tafe stuff and put the box away in storage, cleaned the dust off my blinds which took for bloody ever. and did some clothes washing too. that was all yesterday, today i had a go at the kitchen floor. i also pulled all my clothes out of their draws and wardrobe and folded them and put them back, id gotten lazy and just stuffed everything in to the point i couldnt get to the clothes underneath or close the draws properly... found some clothes i thought i no longer had, also threw some away.

now i got nothing to do... i should go to the shops n get some food for this week but i really dont feel like going out >< might go have a shower instead, its pretty cold today.

oh and my mums coming to melb next weekend to visit before she goes overseas for a few months. i havent seen her in about 3 months. so next weekend i'll be doing stuff and taking her out so no boringness there. hopefully i dont get killed by massacres of clothes shopping cause i know mum will want to do that. a lot.

also my graduation ceremony thing presentation of certificate is on the 25th of march but im not going costs $50 plus takes hours and i couldnt be bothered on a work night, im not losing sleep just to go on a stage in some gown thing and receive a piece of paper that says i passed. they can mail it to me *folds arms* also if you lose the gown or it gets damaged while in your possession u gotta pay $250 for it, so bugger that, if someone ruins it without me noticing im not gonna pay for that crap.

anyways i hope everyone else is having a more interesting weekend than mine

catch yas later.

lets see, its been about 7 months since i last wrote one of these.

First off yay for finishing TAFE ^^ i passed my course so no more tafe for me *is excited* graduation thingie will probably be some time at the start of next year but i dont want to goto it anyway.

im still working at the same place, and as for pets i have a new rat - Jetsqueak the black one ive posted recently [link] [link] and i still have Cashew Pepper Doom and Laverne

Sadly squishy passed away on the 26th of July, no reason i just found her in her hammok, i can only assume it was a heart attack or stroke but it was a shock and very unexpected.
Hazel also had to be put down on the 22nd of august due to an inoperable tumor in her mouth.
Also my pet rat at work had to be put to sleep on the 8th of November, that sucked majorly, happened on a saturday, i was in by myself doing the usual weekend check, which mind u i wasnt even supposed to be working that day, id taken another girls shift cause she was busy, and yeh checked on little Shirley and she was in such a bad state i had no choice, and as i was alone there so i had to do it myself, not something i wanna have to do again.

so yeah gg for all that happening over a few months.

Im supposed to go to a work christmas thing at Gumbuya Park tomorrow, but i woke up sick yesterday and still feel pretty crap today so i dont think im going to that. woulda been cool cause they have dingos and wombats and other wildlife there too. and mini cars ah well. was also guna go to the shops today but i dont see myself going anywhere at the moment.

hmm what else, Peppers running around being a cheeky little bugger, just tried biting my eye lid before. shes a bit of a vampire, has a reputation for biting ears, and when she gets you she gets you good. 3 victims so far

anyways i cant be arsed writing anything more, have nothing else to say that i can think of, so catch yas later.

EDIT: ok thought of something. 7 yrs ago i was overseas in Malta, a few days before i left i bought an Iron Ore ring from the markets for 4 Lira which was about $8 aus dollars at the time, couple days later i was at my cousins house and she sent her dog running to me as i was in the bathroom drying my hands and about to put my ring on and the dog came charging around the corner and scared me and i dropped the ring and it shattered on the tiles, i was leaving the next day so i couldnt go buy another one. now 7 yrs later, i was visiting my family in Sydney for a few days, and 10 mins before my flight was boarding i found iron ore rings in a shop near my terminal, so i bought one. the next day i was drying my hands in the bathroom, and about to dry my ring cuz it got a bit wet on the sink bench, and i dropped it, and yes it also smashed on the tiles. id had it for less than 24 hrs, now this really made me cranky lol. gg ai. i was rather annoyed for the rest of the day lol ah well now i found an australian supplier of australian gold, opals and yay Iron Ore jewellery, so i bought 4 rings lol, i figure that adds upto about 35 bucks which is still cheaper than your average ring, and i know im guna drop atleast 2 of them and theyl smash so i'll have a few back ups.
So keep in mind if you ever buy Iron ore jewellary aka Hematite, dont drop it on hard surfaces its quite... er... fragile hehe.

should check out the website [link] they have some real cool gold, its gold inside blown glass so it looks all minerally n stuff. they sell solid gold pendants too but u need monies for them, theyre costly. but very cool. personally i dont like yellow gold so im not tempted at all, but the blown glass ones look pretty sweet they have australian opal also and i like that too, a ring they have, its got a nice deep blue opal with 2 round crystal stones either side of in set in a silver ring, me likes that. their pendants are cool too, all reasonably priced stuff id say, specially that blown glass gold stuff. anyways, youd almost think i work for them hehe, just excited about getting those rings they got shipped today so hopefully i get them on monday ^^

aw Peppers fallen asleep on me hehe, ive had her out a while i guess, rat sleepy time ai

wellllll.... i havent journaled in almost a year, and i am avoiding doing any tafe work so here i am journaling instead well lets see, i dont write anymore cuz i couldnt be arsed trying to improve and i wrote crap anyway. as for pics, i occasionally take some of my girls but not as often as i did with Pwaaartle. Lets see, im quite busy now days I work 8-4 then goto tafe from 5-9 most nights, other nights its 4-8:30 get home about 9:30-10 depending on traffick then i sleep! i need more of that! >< definetly enjoying my job, been there almost 7 months now, i have about 6 months left of tafe (cant wait till thats over) then i can just consintrate on work.
oh i didnt have this job in my last journal, well, towards the end of last yr i was an animal tech for my tafe animal house for a few months cause they needed one on wednesdays and wkends n i figured id help out cause i knew how things worked there n exp would be good, and thankfully i did that because my boss got a call from a research facility asking for animal techs and she gave her my name so i went for an interview along with a few others n i got the job so for a while i was working 6-7 days a week which started to get a bit much so i quit my first job and just stuck with my new one as it was more permanent and not just experience, i love it there and the people i work with are awesome. one of them went to europe for two months so i got one of my friends to fill in which is fun

My pet count is now 5 i didnt have Doom on my last journal though i have put a pic of her up here ^^ Hazel [link] Cashew [link] Squishy + Pepper - aka vampire rat [link] and Doom [link] my girls are all doing well Hazel and my ratties r over a yr old now, Dooms just hit 6 months and cashew will be a year soon.

I have 2 pet ratties at work but i haven't put pics of them up here yet i might do that eventually, only have pics taken with my phone, though Dooms pic came out reasonably well with that. hmm well nothing much else to report oh oh wait yes i bought a new computer last month ^^ spent a decent amount to get a good system, my mate Scott built it n put it together so now i can play games decently, no more chuggyness >< iv wanted to buy a 22" or maybe a bit larger lcd tv but i dont like spending money so im holding off till i feel like it, was hard enough to let go of the money to buy this computer hehe

ok so yeh i think thats all *thinks* yep thats it, anyways catch yas in another yr wen i write another journal ><

Well, figured id update this. a fair bit has changed since my last journal. I now have a Guinea Pig [link] 2 Rats [link] [link] and 1 Mouse Cashew [link]

Today is 6 months since I lost my baby Pwaaartle and I miss her just as much as the day she left if not more. My new little mouse reminds me a lot of her, mounding up wood shavings over where she sleeps and her food and such. She's a Fuzzy mouse so she's incredibly soft with a long coat she's a really nice looking mouse, the other mouse i had with her but had to return due to her picking on Cashew was an Angora mouse which is kind of a curly really soft coat, unbelievably soft, and I'm thinking of breeding her. $15 a mouse is fair expensive for a mouse =/ but then again lots of new strains and such appearing in pet shops these days, especially Angora mice they're more common now.

Uhm what else, ah yes a removalist truck hit my car and broke the mirror and its housing on the drivers side, gg eh, and that will cost about $700 to fix, parts + paint + fitting. A crap load of money just for a mirror unit, I guess that's what happens with new cars and electric mirrors these days. Good thing i'm not paying for it cause there is no way I could afford that... >< the man was decent enough to leave his details and will pay to replace it, was getting quotes today from a few people and Holden, I missed TAFE today trying to get cheaper quotes cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't have insurance, but yeah I'm giving the guy a chance to see if he can find someone to do it cheaper, otherwise he's going to have to fork out about $700 to get it fixed. $200 just to get the back panel painted... suppose metallic paint is more expensive but still $200 is a lot. O well shit happens eh.

And I think that's about it, I finish this yr of my course this term and next term i just have 1 class a week and the rest of the week I'll b working as an Animal Technition, I'm not going to say who for yet because I may work in more than one place, I'll be either placed there or I could start working earlier on my own accord which is probably more likely, I do know for sure though I'll be working in an animal house for 2 weeks at the end of this term, which I'm pretty sure will be full on from what I've heard the others have had to do. Then next year will be part time evening classes which I like the idea of sleeping in but probably wont be haha be working and going straight from work to TAFE so I'll probably be oaned! gg anyways fark *almost died* I pressed backspace and it went back in the net browser and I thought I'd lost all this >< was so not typing it all again haha!

Well I'm going to stop boring you all and start cooking dinner, catch yas later!

EDIT: cars fixed n got my money